Why People With ADHD Have Shame

Why People With ADHD Have Shame ADHD Adult ADD/ADHD Print Dealing With Shame When You Have ADHD By Jacqueline Sinfield facebook twitter Jacqueline Sinfield is an ADHD coach, and the author of Untapped Brilliance, How to Reach Your Full Potential As An Adult With ADHD. Learn about our editorial policy Jacqueline Sinfield Updated on January 03, 2020 ADHD Overview Symptoms Causes Diagnosis Treatment Living With In Children Mirjana Seba / EyeEm / Getty Images Shame  is an emotion that plays a big part in the lives of people with ADHD. When you feel  shame,  you feel a huge sense of embarrassment and humiliation about who you are.  Shame  and guilt are closely connected;  although subtly different. Feeling ashamed can lead to many problems,  including depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol problems. Here are some common reasons why people with ADHD feel shame. The Shame  of  Having  ADHD Many people feel  shame  for having ADHD. Do you? When you feel ashamed of having ADHD,  you are ashamed of  a  part of yourself.  You try to keep up a facade,  so people wont know your struggles behind the scenes. This can be exhausting and lonely;  because you can’t get the support you need or feel close to the people in your life. It would be great if you could be as comfortable with having ADHD as you are with your eye color. Shame  of Feeling  Different A  lot of people feel  shame  about being different from their peers. Children can feel this more acutely than adults. Children desperately want to fit in with their friends and they dislike things that make them stand out or draw attention to themselves.  Aside from  the behavioral differences that ADHD can bring,  such as hyperactivity, there are other differences  with  having ADHD;  such as having doctor’s appointments or extra help at school. Shame  About  Having  ADHD  Behaviors Having ADHD can affect your behavior in all sorts of ways; such as:  acting impulsively and doing something you feel embarrassed about, not being able to follow a conversation and then feeling ‘stupid’. You might feel ashamed of your home because it is cluttered or because you  may be  always forgetting things. ADHD affects everyone’s behavior differently, but feeling ashamed of it is a common theme. Shame  About  Your  History Do you often think about past failures and feel full of  shame?  - How things didn’t work out with your ex, or the time when your credit card didn’t work, or when you ran out of gas on the highway?  You might find your mind often goes back to those memories and each time,  you relive that  shame. Shame  About  Where You Are Now A common theme I hear from adults with ADHD,  is they don’t like where they are in life. They didn’t reach the milestones they thought  they  would at this age. Perhaps you see your friends reaching life goals that you want too and that causes you  shame  and resentment because you know you are  just  as smart and capable as them. Ways to Heal  Shame Acknowledge that ADHD is a neurological condition and many of the things causing you  shame  are a direct result of having ADHD. When you do this,  it lifts the blame and  shame  you have been inflicting on yourself. Learn as much as you can about ADHD  through support groups, books, podcasts, and blogs. This knowledge and support will help you to know it isn’t just you. Other people with ADHD experience similar things. This can be very empowering to shake the  shame  away. Work with a therapist who is experienced in working with  shame. They can help you process the  shame you feel in your life. Change how you speak to yourself. Compassion neutralizes  shame. Self-compassion in the form of kind self-talk (the way you would to a child or friend) has a positive effect on the body. This step alone will change your life. Write a list of the practical things you can do to reduce the  shame  in your life. For example,  if you feel ashamed every time you arrive late at work, develop a strategy so that you arrive on time.